Two weeks ago, I had the big twenty-week ultrasound. I got more pictures during this ultrasound than I ever had because the tech who did it is a friend. This also means that I didn't have to wait until all of the measurements were done before finding out the sex--she just cut right to the chase.

And so will I.

It's a...

BOY!!!

You're shocked, right? I mean, there is no precedent set here, right?

And while my oldest was CRUSHED by the news that he wouldn't be getting another little sister, I'm actually fine with the fact that it is another boy. Which actually kind of surprises me. I had, at one point, told those closest to me that I was afraid I would really have a hard time with it if this baby was another boy because I thought I would be haunted by the thought that the lost twin may have been a girl. And maybe it was. Or maybe it was another boy. Either way, I'm not struggling with it like I thought I would be. I'm just very happy that I have a healthy and cute little guy kicking around in there.

Yes, I said cute:

Of course, with a baby on the way and my other kids getting a little older and more inquisitive, we have had some of the inevitable questions about where babies come from. Not the "how are babies made?" questions. One of their cousins apparently filled them in on that one awhile back (and since I know my sister is pretty blunt and thorough, I'm just going with it--mother of the year RIGHT HERE). No, the questions I'm getting have to do with how the baby will come OUT.

Yay.

The child who originally posed the question, Wyatt (7yo), already knew how HE came out. In one of my better parenting moments I may have, at some point of frustration, asked him if he would like to see the huge scar where he was cut out of my body--HAVEN'T YOU PUT ME THROUGH ENOUGH??? But he knew that he was the only one who exited that way, and wanted to know how everyone else came out.

Folks, I was age appropriate. But I was also honest.

A couple of days later, as we were driving home from a family outing, he decided to enlighten everyone else.

"Hey, Eli, do you want to know how the baby will come out? Girls have different privates--they have back cheeks and front cheeks (no, I didn't tell him that). When the baby is born, Mommy will have to push the baby out of her privates."

And then, as if to distance himself from it all...

"Of course, that's how all of YOU came out. The way I came out was far less CREEPY."

Sean looked at me sideways.

"Speak for yourself, kid," he mumbled. We drove on.

I know that it has been a very long time since I sat down and wrote anything. Summer came, and with it came baseball, soccer, gardens, canning, and a host of other things that kept my life busy. I felt too busy living my life to ever sit down and write about it.

Then I got tremendous, mind-blowing, scary, but wonderful news. And I waited with the intention of making my big announcement after my doctor's appointment yesterday.

Then my doctor's appointment didn't go as planned.

Instead of posting a picture of my grandmother as a toddler holding the hand of her twin sister follow by an ultrasound image of my almost 11 weeks gestation twins, I spent yesterday crying at the news that I had lost Twin A. The fear I had felt over how I would handle two babies--how I would handle SEVEN children--was nothing compared to the grief at having lost one of them.

This is the first time that I have lost a baby. And, of course, it isn't like a normal miscarriage. There is no cramping and bleeding with the loss of one twin. There is--nothing. No indication that something has gone horribly wrong. They refer to it as "vanishing twin syndrome." It is estimated that it occurs in 21-30% of twin pregnancies and is caused by either a chromosomal problem or the placenta or cord not attaching properly. After the baby stops developing, it is either reabsorbed by the body or remains in the womb until the other baby is born, depending on the age when it died. Mine was right on the border, so I don't know which will happen. In cases like mine, where the twins weren't sharing a placenta or amniotic sac, the loss of one does not pose a risk to the other.

And, in fact, my other baby is looking very healthy. We could see a strong heartbeat and watch it wiggle around, which I am so grateful for. And that is the truly strange part. Under normal circumstances, I would have left my doctor's appointment elated at having seen such a healthy looking baby only a couple of weeks from second trimester status. But that joy is having a hard time breaking through the overwhelming sense of loss.

I am a religious person. I believe that there is more than just this life. I believe in the resurrection. I believe that families are meant to exist throughout eternity. My one comfort is that I provided that precious spirit with the body that it will someday need. And, someday, I will get to know the beautiful child that I have lost. I will just have to wait for that day.

*************************************************

November 13, 2011

Almost three weeks have passed since I wrote this. I told myself that I wouldn't post it without the picture showing that my little Twin A really did exist. But then I kept putting off scanning the picture. I thought that I was doing a good job of focusing on the positive--the healthy baby--but even just inserting this picture is making me tear up.

I AM grateful for the healthy baby. I'm maybe a little more neurotic than normal about its health. I am definitely looking forward to this Wednesday when I go back for another appointment with my midwives. It will do me a lot of good to hear a heartbeat.

The Scene: Driving home in the car after a long day of church, a family party with Sean's family in one city, and a family party with my family in another, much farther, city.

Sean's phone rings. He identifies the caller as Brian, a good friend and the director of the soccer league my three oldest children play in. A small amount of chit chat ensues, followed by brief laughter. Sean's holds the phone towards me.

Sean: "He wants to talk to you."

I take the phone and put it to my ear.

Me: "OK, let's just cut to the chase--NO."

Brian: "No, I don't need to talk to that one.  I need to talk to the optimistic one. I really need you to do something for me."

Me (following a sigh): "Fine. What?"

Brian: "I need you to be a head coach for me."

Me: "Brian, I'm going to have kids in THREE DIFFERENT AGE GROUPS this year. There's no way. Go pester someone else."

Brian: "I'm not pestering. I had twenty-three different people to choose from and I chose YOU."

Me: "Great! That means you have twenty-two more phone calls you can still make."

Brian: "You'll be hearing from me again."

Me: "Good luck with that!"

Brian: "Bye."

I'd say that went well. Except I know him. This probably isn't over. Good thing I have the phone numbers of some of my loyal readers whose kids also play soccer.

Who's ready to be volunteered?

Am I the only one who is absolutely fascinated by the Extreme Couponing show on TLC?

This show came on right about the time that I was learning about the potential of couponing from my friend, Hillary. Naturally, I have watched every show in an effort to figure out how the heck these people are saving so much money.

I started gathering coupon circulars. And clipping. And organizing everything into those baseball card protector sheets in a big, three ring binder.

After about a month of this,  I have a lot of coupons in that binder. Enough that I could actually make use of the best couponing site EVER. Or at least so far, in my DAYS of experience.

I gathered all of the coupons I needed and headed to my local Walmart. Sadly, many of the items that I had intended to purchase were already sold out. And, naturally, they were the ones with the best deals. Still, I got the things that I could and walked out of the store having paid about $10 for almost $25 worth of body wash, toothpaste, tooth brushes, dental floss, mouthwash, and band-aids. It was a little bit of a let down but I still felt good about how much I had saved.

That evening, it occurred to me that I could look items up on the Walmart website and it would tell me which stores still had them in stock. Even for things like dental floss. So I checked all of the items that were sold out at my store and found that they were all still available at the store closest to my husband's office. So this morning, I sent him out the door with a stack of coupons and strict instructions. This is what he walked out of the store with:

All together, it retailed for $25.60. By the time they finished scanning my coupons, the cashier had to call the manager over to PAY my husband forty cents.

Yes, they paid him to take it all out of the store. And they were impressed that they had to.

I'm a believer.

Combining the two shopping trips, I got all of this:

...worth almost $50 retail, for just under $10. And I paid $4 just for the two mouthwashes.

I think I've found a new way of life.